Sometimes I have my doubts. There are times I get weighed down with all the struggles & what if's of daily life. Sometimes worry, like a wave during high tide, washes over me & leaves me feeling lost in a lack of self confidence. I find myself unsure of not only myself on a physical level, but on a mental level as well. I fear that my eagerness to become something so natural, something so normal, something so primal, will be far superior than my ability to do so. And I frequently question the sturdiness of the road we want to travel upon.
But then he smiles, and most of my worries crumble. He is stronger than he thinks, for when he takes my hand, he's pulling me up from the rising waters of my self doubt & I can be at peace. At least for a little while. Men & women have traveled upon roads similar to the one we wish to take since the beginning of time. Our journey might start differently than most, but the destination is still the same. In the end, a new life will be brought into this world & our us will become a we.
So many thoughts have been rushing through my mind as of late. Jealously has been quite a companion these past weeks as I've seen one friend after another become something I want so desperately. These things happen so easily for most, even when they are not planned or yet even wanted. I find myself frustrated that I will have to try so hard & that my story will be different from the perfect normalcy of others. But then, I realize that it is my own perception of normalcy that is the problem. The worldy norm changes daily. What is best for one person, might not be the best for another. That is what makes us individuals.
Yes, my story will be different. Yes, my road will be a bit more ridged than I would like. But, it is my story. The blood, sweat, scars & tears that go into writing it will be even more proof of my determination. Life is hard & the struggles make the ride exhausting. But even the shiniest of the fairytale carriages hit bumps while on the way to a happy ending.